Friday, April 23, 2010

Second Class Citizens (Guest Post by Rudy the Foster Cat)

The female warden has relinquished her blog post to me, captive #65. She calls me Rudy, but of course that's not my real name. I explained to the female warden that my full name, Sir Percyvale Rudolph Katar Sparhawk Oreo von Reuss, was what I preferred to be called, but as usual she ignored me. The other 64 feline captives that have been in this prison before me have left behind notes, so I realize that the cruel and unusual punishment that is carried out by the wardens here is directed at all feline prisoners. While the dogs here are waited on hand and foot, the felines are left to fend for themselves.  We're usually fed only dry bland kibble, and some of the other prisioners have become so desperate for something better that they have broken into the puppy food just for variety! 

 We either have to stay in one small bedroom, or risk being chased by one of the many dogs here. Even the high places where the dogs cannot reach us aren't safe.  If the male warden sees us on the countertops - a place we have every right to be - he yells loudly and threatens us with bodily harm. I try every day to escape from this horrible place, but so far all attempts have been unsuccessful.

My only hope is that someday I will be freed like many of the previous captives have been. My friend Merlin has been told he is doomed to live out his life in this prison, but the rest of us are scheduled to be released as soon as we can find some servants to provide for our every need. I must survive until that happens. 


Lola said...

The dogs chase you? Indoors? Are you all declawed or something? Even if you are, you must still have those sharp little teeth and that scary HSSS thing you do. Speaking as a canine I learned at an early age that what you want to give cats is R-E-S-P-E-C-T if you want to keep your face all pretty.

respectfully, Lola

SwSmartie said...

Time to plan an escape route! Into the arms of someone who will let you eat off their plate, sit on warm cable box and block half the TV, and understanding that if they leave the spot they were sitting in, it is FAIR game.

Frankie Furter said...

Well now I am really sorry that you are having a bad day. Perhaps if you would make a DAWG costume...

Remington said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Remington said...

My hope is that you find servants VERY soon!

kissa-bull said...

shudder island
poor meow meow's

Schwang said...

Oh, I didn't even realize the many horrors of your situation.

JackDaddy said...

I think it's very good that the dogs have taught you a very valuable lesson. Dogs rule! :)

Merlin said...

Hi Lola, none of us are declawed so we can take on the dogs if we have to. But we're lovers, not fighters, so we'd much prefer the dogs just leave us alone. My foster brother makes it sound much worse than it is. I actually like it here. Mom is always giving us treats and canned food, and she doesn't ever let the dogs really bother us - Rudy is just a wimp. I sleep on Mom's bed with my dog sister Noelle every night, and get along with all the dogs just fine. I just wish Mom would let me go outside!


3 doxies said...

Dogs Rule and Cats Drool...oh wait, that was backwards...hehehe!
Kittehs are just evil, manipulative, and narcisistic. At least that's what brudder Albert tolds me. But, I thinks you and I would gets along Rudy.

Leila said...

Alas,my dear Sir Percyvale Rudolph Katar Sparhawk Oreo von Reuss, I sympathize with your plight. However all is not lost. One day you will find a home with Minions who comply with your every wish.

Just so you know, there is hope with the canines. I have a canine who is my very own. He is everything a canine should be - worshipful, adoring, protective. I am still working on the abnormal amount of saliva the canine can administer in his enthusiasm.

Fond hopes and wishes,
Charlie, The Cat

meowmeowmans said...

Don't lose hope, Sir Percyvale Rudolph Katar Sparhawk Oreo von Reuss. You and the other inmates have to stay hopeful ... there's a whole world out there, and you guys will find forever homes of your very own!

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir Percyvale Rudolph Katar Sparhawk Oreo von Reuss,

'Tis I! The dread pirate, Cap'n Ripley Cat! I be feelin' yer pain, matey. All was right on me ship until we were overta'en by scurvy dogs! Me blessin's on ye, lad, and tis my hope that ye find the land of milk and tuna that we all be seekin' far away from the mangy curs of the world. My fate is sealed but I hold great hope for ye that a kind wind will be at yer back and it will blow ye far away from yer captors.

Cap' Ripley, AHOY!

the booker man said...

oh, you kitties are so funny! complainin' and mumblin' when really you get the betterment more than most of us doggies.
who gets fresh tuna out of the can?
who gets those post thingies that you are ENCOURAGED and PRAISED for scratching?
who gets those personal bench seats in front of the window so you can snooze and hooman watch all day?
i'm just keepin' it real.
the booker man

JulieB said...

Dear Sir Percyvale Rudolph Katar Sparhawk Oreo von Reuss,

Great post - you get "10 paws" from the Bauman clan of felines. We feel your pain, although our human spoils us rotten most times, so we really can't complain. We sure are glad that we don't have to deal with those drooling, smelly things you call dogs, they sound scary. Plus we like being the center of mom's attention, so it's good to not have to share with fur-kids. Anyways, we hope that your captivity ends soon and you find a household full of minions who are willing to serve your every whim.

Meowfully yours,
The Bauman Kitties

havetailwillwag said...

awesome name sir percyvale von something or other...!!!!!

ocmist said...

Aren't cats MADE to be chased by dogs?!? Well, here's hoping you find a good home soon, Mr. Rudy. The Country Corgi Pups

Kari in WeHo said...

oh the horrors!